What's happening to Us?

I am an old fashioned, old school femme.  I feel sexy in a dress and
heels.  I am a bottom.  I feel more powerful and in control of my
world when I have on make up and my nails are long and painted.
I have been this way since I can remember.  I have taken a lot of
crap for that.  I have taken crap for being attracted to butches.  I
have listened to people tell me that our relationship looks more like a
male/female heterosexual one than a lesbian one.  I have defended
myself and my lover in absolute silence with my head held high, with
quiet, seething words of indignation and with screaming rage.  

But why?  I look around and I see very few of us left to defend.  
Where is our community?  I go out to the places where we (lesbians)
gather and I see no one that looks like me, no one that looks like my
partner.  I see watered down versions of butch and femme.  I see
the looks they give, as if to say, 'tone it down, you are drawing
attention' or looks that tell me, 'you are a leftover from another
age'.

I do not see femmes reveling in their glory.  I do not see stud
butches standing together as brothers.  When I talk to lesbians I
know, they are offended by words like butch or femme and top or
bottom.  They tell me they do not want to be "labeled".  They are
"just women".  They seem to be hung up on reciprocity, you do me and
I'll do you.  They are all "versatile".  And god forbid the subject of
toys comes up!  They all seem to be "natural" lesbians now.  Natural
lesbians make me want to vomit!  It wouldn't bother me so bad if
they could say they had tried toys and they or their partner did not
enjoy them.  No, they just see them as an insult to their ability as a
lesbian and refuse to try them.  I guess what bothers me most is
that they tell me that they are so good they don't need any of that
junk.  Well, let me tell you something.  You cannot tell me how good
you are until you have mastered packing or the art of keeping your
rhythm while your femme bucks wildly beneath you.  

They all claim they only make love. *yawn*  That's nice, but
sometimes I want to be fucked. Period.  There's no other way to put
it.  Apparently, that makes me a creature with three heads.  I don't
get it.  What's happened to us as a breed.  Have we tried so hard to
be accepted by the world that we have given up on what makes us who
we are?  I refuse.  I will wear dresses, I will love and defend my
butch in any manner necessary, I will hold my head high as my heels
click across the dance floor towards her, I will moan with ecstasy  
when she enters me with her cock, I will melt against her afterwards
as she holds me gently, I will press her collar, fix her cowlick and
take the arm she offers me before we go out.

And I will be proud that we are the slightly twisted lesbian version of
    Ward and June Cleaver.